I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We were destined to go to rehab together
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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