Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
