When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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