i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
