(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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