It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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