She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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