About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
