1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
What drink are we having for lunch?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
