...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
