32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
