Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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