My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
