i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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