I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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