I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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