We named our party play list daddy issues
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
