I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
