I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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