$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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