Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
