Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
