you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
