matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I could fuck to npr.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
