You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
