She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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