Dude my mom stole all your condoms
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
