you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
