4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize