My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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