so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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