You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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