the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
