She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
