My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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