we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
