All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
