I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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