It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize