LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
