The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
