We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
