I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
