She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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