i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
