Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The air was thick with penises
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
