You're so nebulous sometimes
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
