is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
