so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my vag is so smooth its legendary
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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