Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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