Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
