I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
