ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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