I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
