Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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