Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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