Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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