My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
