Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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