I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
