One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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