I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
