guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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