Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
