I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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