I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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